How to Help Older Siblings Adjust

Bringing a new baby into the family is exciting, but it also stirs up big feelings for older siblings. Suddenly, their world changes — routines shift, mom and dad’s attention is divided, and there’s this tiny new person everyone seems focused on. It’s a lot for a little heart to process.

The good news? With a little intention, you can help older siblings adjust while reminding them they are still a loved, important part of the family.

1. Make the Baby Ours

The words we use matter. Instead of saying “my baby,” practice saying our baby. This small shift helps older siblings feel ownership and belonging. It reassures them that the baby isn’t taking their place — the baby is joining the family they’re already part of.

When I brought home baby number three, my two-year-old (who was still breastfeeding) was very aware of this shift. At his very first nap after I returned from the hospital, he looked around and said, “Where is baby? I share my nummies.” That was the beginning of our tandem nursing journey. It was perfect, beautiful, and yes — a little crazy. But in that moment, I saw how naturally children can embrace a sibling when they’re included in the experience.

2. Let Them Be Part of the Prep

Kids love to help, and including them in preparing for baby builds excitement instead of jealousy. Invite them to:

• Pick out a special blanket or toy for baby.

• Help fold tiny clothes or set up the nursery.

• Practice rocking a doll, singing songs, or fetching diapers.

When we were waiting for that same baby, my oldest was about to turn four. He had his heart set on a baby sister and a toy forklift for his birthday. He was full of excitement, imagination, and hope — all wrapped up in those simple wishes. Talking about the baby alongside his own milestones helped him feel included and reassured that life was still about him, too.

3. Talk About What’s Coming

Children adjust better when they know what to expect. Keep the conversations age-appropriate, but be honest:

• “Sometimes babies cry a lot. That’s their way of talking.”

• “Babies drink milk, but they can’t play tag yet. They’ll grow, just like you did.”

• “There will be times I’m busy with the baby, but I’ll still make special time with you.”

These gentle reminders set realistic expectations and ease surprises.

4. A Gift “From the Baby”

One sweet tradition is giving older siblings a small gift when they first meet their new brother or sister. Present it as if it’s from the baby: “Our baby wanted you to have this!” This little gesture softens the introduction and starts their relationship off with kindness and connection.

5. Keep Space for Them

Life with a newborn is demanding, but making time — even 10 minutes a day — for one-on-one connection with your older child goes a long way. Read a book, take a walk, or simply listen as they talk. It reminds them: You’re still my baby, too.

The Big Picture

Bringing a new sibling into the family is one of the first lessons children learn in sharing love. With gentle preparation, intentional language, and small gestures of inclusion, you help them see that love doesn’t get divided — it multiplies.

And mama, remember: you don’t have to do this perfectly. The fact that you’re even thinking about your older child’s heart means you’re already doing the most important part.